By Frank Hilliard
(Note: The Crete battle is over, and the invasion of the Soviet Union is three weeks away. The Führer has a visitor.)
“Welcome Professor Fassbinder.”
“Danke, mein Führer, es ist eine Ehre, hier zu sein.”
“I asked you here this morning because you’ve been heard predicting a German attack on the Soviet Union, our ally in the East. Can you explain?”
The professor, dressed in a tweed suit with a beard and glasses, let a small smile appear on his lips.
“It was an exercise for my class during the Easter break. There are 340 of them, young men and women, and they’re from all over the country. I asked them to count the number of army convoys and group them by the general direction they were going. They mailed the results to me and a small team of statisticians collated them.”
“And this predicted an attack to the east?”
“Oh, absolutely,” the Professor replied. “We added each direction, North, East, South, and West and subtracted the smaller figures from the larger. East was the big winner, ahead of all the others. It’s clear das Heer is bulking up on the Eastern border. No doubt about it.
“Well, that’s very remarkable for a student exercise. It’s a good thing you’re not a spy.”
“In a way, I wish I were,” the Professor replied. “Then I could tell you an invasion of the Soviet Union is a serious mistake. Indeed, you have already told millions of Germans it’s a mistake.”
“Really?”
“Yes, in your book, ‘Mein Kampf’. If I may paraphrase, you said the Reich will never be a player on the world stage until it increases its population and size, and I quite agree. You also said, or implied, you would like to acquire the Ukraine, over the other options.”
“You have condensed my book into two sentences, congratulations!”
“But can you see the logical contradiction, sir?”
“No, tell me.”
“I’m assuming the world stage is another way of saying the big three: America, the Soviet Union and China. Each has enough territory, population and industry to be unbeatable in a war, except by another member of the club. Below them are the ‘B’ countries: Germany, Japan and Britain; and below them are the ‘C’ countries, and the rest.
“The B countries can beat C countries, and possibly each other, but they can’t beat the A countries because—as you noted yourself—they don’t have the population and size. Do you see the problem? The Ukraine is in an A country. You can’t beat the Soviet Union because it’s simply too big. There are 11 time zones in Russia, it could retreat all the way to the Pacific ocean. It’s übergroß.”
The Führer looked hard at Professor Fassbinder.
“I think I know where this is leading.”
“I’m sure you do,” the Professor smiled. “You’re already fighting a B country, Britain, so you need to take on some C countries. Once you get them under control, you can assume our true potential.
“Like Egypt, Palestine, Jordan, Iraq and Kuwait.”
“And Lebanon and Syria,” the Professor went on. “Leave Iran to the Russians and Saudi to the Americans. Make it very clear to each of them what you want, and don’t want. Heavens, there’s enough oil for everyone.”
“That’s what Raeder proposed,” Hitler mused, “more or less.”
“Yes, and there’s another thing, it would solve your Jewish problem. Move them all to Palestine while the Arabs are reeling from the war. They will turn around and attack the Jews leaving the Heer as the only force the Jews can turn to for protection. Currently the British are confronted with Jewish and Palestinian opposition. Remove the British and Germany comes out as the good guys.”
Now the German leader was smiling
“And there’s more,” the Professor continued. “By taking Egypt, you cut the British lifeline to India and the far east, and with a few more divisions, you can capture Algeria, Tunisia and Morocco. Take Gibraltar and you now own the Mediterranean, Mare Nostrum”
“That leaves Britain.”
“Crete, times 100,” the professor replied. “And you’ll have all those British troops in Egypt in the bag as hostages. There should be plenty of maneuvering room in that, even before an airborne invasion.”
“Britain still has the Royal Navy.”
“Bombs are cheaper than ships.”
“True.”
“Before I leave, I’d like you to release my statisticians from detention. I don’t think they, or I, realized we were playing with fire.”
“Yes, indeed. I’m going to offer them positions in our planning staff, and you too, professor.”
“So, you’re not going to invade the Soviet Union?”
“No, I think a trip to the Middle East is in order, so much warmer,” Hitler smiled.
“Lovely beaches in Lebanon, oil in Iraq and Kuwait. And they’ll all be speaking German in no time.”
“You think so?”
“Certainly, they’ll be trading with the Jews, just like the old days, they’ll need the lingo, and our Jews all speak German, after all.”
“Professor, I think ours is going to be a beautiful friendship.”
end
