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Breaking News: NASA plans to put a Pride Flag on the Moon by 2030!

This is joyous news. Even more joyous when you consider that this is only the beginning. 

The moon is only a stepping stone to future planetary destinations. Once queers land on the moon, a whole universe of opportunities will open up to the LGBTQ+ community. That being said though, there is really only one planet that gay astronauts aspire to get to. Ur-anus. 

This depiction of a Pride Flag on the moon makes me hope that the Iranians develop a space program at warp speed and get to the moon first. Or perhaps the Palestinians. If we want them to get to the moon in a hurry all we need to do is establish an Israeli settlement there first.   

If a Pride Flag is planted on the moon, I expect that will be planted by a Drag Queen in the Marines. If that is the case, a statue will be made of the epic event and it will supplant the existing one that celebrates the raising of the stars and stripes on Iwo Jima. Just imagine. One Drag Queen and five kids in his platoon forever in bronze. The new statue will rectify the misimpression that that the marines raised the flag on Mount Suribachi. This time the Drag Queen marine will be following the order to mount Suribachi. 

The only question that remains to be answered  is whether NASA can find a place for a white CIS-male in the mission. Just  one. A token gesture. I mean, if the mission fails, someone has to take the fall. It will be a challenging task, because if all 65 gender orientations in the LGBTQ+ rainbow are to be represented on board, it will exceed the carrying capacity of the space ship.  

The only option then would be to ensure that at least half of the crew are gender-fluid. This would not be a novel approach. Coaches of Olympic hockey teams follow the same principle when the select players for the  team. A certain portion of the roster must consist of players would can play different roles so that injured players can be easily replaced. If one astronaut goes down, another must be there to stand up in his face. 

Crew must be flexible. They must be able to bend in any direction when the occasion calls for it. They must be equally at home with being men, trans-men, women, trans-women, goats, horses or gold fish. And though floor space is at a premium, room must be found for  groveling politicians ready to affirm their newfound identities, plus linguists who can coin new pronouns at the speed of light to ensure that no one is misgendered. Hurt feelings can be fatal to any mission, and outer space is cruelly unforgiving.     

If this reasonable accommodation seems unreasonable, it is a price that needs to be paid. Diversity is always an asset. It’s what makes nations vibrant, interesting and dysfunctional. Failed states swear by it. Canada for example. 

Speaking of Canada, space enthusiasts were excited to learn that Canadarm “3” will offer a small, more dexterous arm to grope for mission-critical material at close quarters. I was reputedly designed by a retired female news reporter who was inspired by a close encounter of the unwanted kind with Justin Trudeau 23 years ago.

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  • Tim Murray

    Canadian author Tim Murray was a long-time Canadian democratic socialist mugged by the reality of Limits to Growth. His new awareness led him away from traditional left/right dichotomies toward steady-state solutions, and a fierce determination to fight the fake environmentalism of the Sierra Club and their clones. He was the co-founder of Biodiversity First, a director of Immigration Watch Canada, and formerly on the board of Population-Environment Balance. He is an avid hiker and nature-lover who co-exists with wolves, cougars, bears, bald-headed eagles in the North Gulf Islands of British Columbia.