Dear skeptics, agnostics and atheists,
Let me take this moment to extend my best wishes to you and yours!
Have a happy secular humanist winter solstice devoid of any meaningful spiritual content! Look forward to life under Beijing Biden and savour the prospect of living in a lockdown Orwellian surveillance state! As Marx and Lennon would say, “Imagine there’s no borders, no religion nor Constitution too!” Who needs natural God-given rights when the government will provide for you? In Big Brother We Trust.
Of course, I appreciate the fact that these words of good cheer will ring hollow for many of you. Late December can be a very lonely time of year for many people. Especially in this lockdown year. For them it is definitely not a season to be jolly. Especially those of senior vintage like me whose friends and loved ones are long gone, as well as those who are not so old, but nevertheless live far away from their estranged family. Or what’s left of it in the wake of 50 years of Cultural Marxism.
Well, if this is your plight, if you find yourself alone on New Year’s Eve, be comforted by the thought that one day the planet you call home will be vaporized by a supernova which will obliterate any trace of your inconsequential existence and that of your descendants. There will be no evidence of your accomplishments or your tribulations. Your college diploma, Pulitzer Prize, Congressional Medal of Honor or Stanley Cup ring will be dust. You can leave no durable legacy. So in the long run, it doesn’t really matter one way or another, does it? It doesn’t matter—and you don’t matter. Face it loser. You have the cosmological significance of a grasshopper, notwithstanding the fact that your Italian mother raised you to think that you are the centre of the universe.
I know. You probably find that realization a tough pill to swallow. Too tough perhaps. If that’s the case, here’s my suggestion:
Since your superfluous life is without purpose, time is not of the essence. Why not then sit down by a warm fire with a glass of sherry in one hand and a prescription bottle of opioids in another and curl up with the latest edition of Origin of the Species, which in your darkest moments can be relied upon to get you through the night, you pathetic, rudderless bastard. It is rife with timeless wisdom, and it’s an infallible guide as how best to conduct your personal life.
Once having imbibed the sherry-opioid-Darwinist cocktail, you will be in a win-win situation. If you don’t make it through the night, you will have saved Bill Gates the hassle of murdering you, and you won’t have to live through a third term of Justin Trudeau, nor watch another one million illegal Nigerians walk across the border unmolested. But if on the other hand you do make it through the night, come morning you can set forth to the local shopping mall and participate in another one of your mindless post-Christmas shopping sprees which will fill that big hole in your life—for a day or two perhaps. That’s what credit cards are for, after all. Hey, if debt is not a problem for the government why should it be a problem for you?
There will be a spiritual void, of course, but then there is no such thing as a spirit anyway, is there? No court of law has ruled in favour of the existence of a ‘spirit’ or a ‘soul’. If it can’t be measured or quantified then it can’t exist, right? Consciousness boils down to just a brain full of chemicals with a bit of physics thrown in. No mystery in that. I don’t know about you, but that thought makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. It makes me want to carry on. Think about it, when my brain dies I die. I am no more. That’s it. Done. My person, my tribe, my species and Western Civilization, all doomed.
It’s a Wonderful Life! If you ask me, nihilism got a bad rap. Glad to see that it’s making a comeback, thanks to Antifa.
One more thing. If you are celebrating New Years Eve in the company of a dozen people in defiance of Comrade Tam’s or Dr. Fauci’s decree, please drive home safely. Then again, why bother?
PS I hate to bug you for donations, but the plain fact of the matter is that I can’t continue to spread my gospel of hopelessness without your help. My Ministry needs your support. If you all could spare just one dollar a week it would go a long way in spreading the Word. There are kids in Africa who go to bed with false hope every night. Most have never heard of me or Richard Dawkins. Many don’t know that they were made in my image. Some have never even seen a single page of Origin of the Species never mind read the book. With your monthly gift of just $30, together we can fund Project Darwin and meet our goal of translating my book into 194 languages by 2022 and put a copy in every motel room in the world. That’s right, we can ensure that 3 billion children across the world can read the Bad News in their native tongue!
So please, keep your love money rolling in! Don’t just think about doing it. Do it! Help me discourage and demoralize the world one kid at a time! It’s about time that they understood that there is no Santa Claus here or in heaven, except of course in socialist North America, where thanks to the miracle of fractional reserve banking and political fraud trillions of dollars can be created out of thin air and debt ceilings can reach the sky. QE 3,4,5…ad infinitum! Wise up, stop crying and get a paper route punk! Start saving your pennies because your generation will be stuck with the bill.